Joni's ABC's of 2016

A- Apple Juice.  Greg and I were given an over abundance of crab apples and we spent an entire evening juicing them together.  It's such a simple thing but one of my favorite memories from this year.

B- Beachbody, I decided that I would give Beachbody a go to better my health.  I signed up under an independent coach and bought the 21 day fix program, which I really enjoyed!  I've slacked off though for a while.

C- Cooking at camp!  This summer I cooked for teen camp at SBBC with Debbie, Wendy, Glenda and Micayla.  We had a really good week!  Cooking for the Hawaiian banquet was a lot of fun!  I didn't take proper shoes with me and had very swollen feet at the end of the week.

D- Dog Patch Music Festival.  I went to my first music festival, and I was even asked to have a part in it by running the children programming.  It was fun, and I would go to the festival again but I probably wouldn't do the kids stuff again.

E- Eastend, Sk.  Greg and I took a roadtrip down south over the May long weekend and spent an entire day exploring Eastend.  Worth the trip!

F- First anniversary!  Greg and I made one year of marriage!  We celebrated by spending the night in Lloyd at a hotel and eating a $50 supper at Montana's.

G- Glass walkway.  On our Jasper trip (more about that in J) Greg really wanted to go on the Skywalk so we did...it was scary!

H- Heidi and I started to spend more time together.  I've wanted to become good friends with Heidi for a while and this year was the year it finally happened!  I appreciate Heidi a lot!

I- Infertility.  We are experiencing it, and it sucks.

J- Jasper!  Greg took me to the mountains for my 32nd birthday and it was fabulous!  We went to Malign Lake, the ice fields, the hot springs, and spent the weekend exploring.

K- Kim and Bill.  I got to spend Christmas with my (half) sister and birther in law for the first time in my life!  It was such a good time!

L- Ladies retreat.  I was asked to lead worship at a HHM ladies retreat and it was such a good weekend!  I had a bit of an adventure getting there but once I did it was so refreshing.

M- Mom's surprise birthday party!  It was her 60th and we were able to pull of surprising her with a big party even though she was very suspicious of us.  Also about my mom, she fell down 8 feet of stairs a few weeks before her birthday.  One of the scariest nights of my life.

N- New friends.  I've never been very good at making friends.  I'm very socially awkward and the reality is, most of the friends I have are because they decided I was worth getting to know and forced their friendship on me (which I am so thankful for.)  This year there was a few people I wanted to be friends with so I awkwardly made myself make friends.

O- One year since Cheri passed away.  April 30th.

P- Pregnancies.  Not me, as indicated in I.  A few people close to me announced that they are expecting and it's been this weird place of joy and pain.

Q- Queen City.  Kaylyn and I went to Regina to use her free stay at the Hotel Sask.  Such luxury!  I will never again have a Sunday brunch quite like that.

R-

S- Sea-dooing.  Greg has owned a pair of sea-doos for 3 years now and never, not once, taken them out on the lake!  This summer I made him!  On the first day of summer we took one out and had a blast...until I tipped over and lost my glasses!  We took it out another 3 times after that.

T- Tiny Garden.  I found an old gun rack at my in-laws yard and converted it into a garden box, along with 5 big planters I bought at an auction sale.  I grew carrots, corn, beets, lettuce, radishes, strawberries, brussel sprouts, cucumbers, basil, lavender, rosemary, zinnias, and mint.

U-

V- Violently ill with strep throat.  Right before Christmas I came down with strep throat and it was awful!  Fever, chills, headache, nausea, and of course the glass shard throat.  Ugh.

W- Wondering and waiting about dad's illness.  This summer my dad ended up in the emergency room and then admitted to the hospital for a week.  He has been in and out of hospitals since then trying to figure out exactly what is wrong.  They are pretty sure they have things figured out now.  It's been some stressful months though.

X-

Y- Youth group has gone through some changes.  Some leadership changes, some outlay changes.  I think it's worked out but the future of the youth group is a bit unknown right now.

Z-

So I couldn't think of anything for 4 letters...R surprises me, it seems like thre should be something!  Oh well, I did pretty good :)  2016 was a good year, not without its hard times though.  Looking forward to 2017 and everything that will happen!

The Hoop In My Nose

If you ever see me wearing a hoop in my nose (as opposed to my regular stud) it probably means that I needed a confidence boost that day. Because for some reason, the hoop does that.
Some days, I need to be reminded that I am capable of more than I realize. Some days, I need to be reminded that I am loved and I have friends who care about me. Some days, I need to be reminded that hope is something that lives strong in me.
And I have no idea why but wearing a hoop in my nose does all that and more! It makes me feel like I can accomplish anything, that I am fierce and strong!
I really don't understand it, but I go with it.

Dear Cheri,

I miss you.  I am having such a hard time understanding that this is life now.  I can't imagine a world where you don't call me at least once a week.  I can't imagine a world where I don't hear about your bowling or your job at the dollar store or everything exciting that is going on in everyone's life.  I can't imagine a world where I don't get a bag full of thoughtful gifts from you at Christmas.  That's a hard world to think of and it makes me incredibly sad.

I could've been better Cheri.  I wasn't always as patient as I should have been.  I didn't come to Edmonton to see you nearly enough and sometimes I didn't answer the phone when you called.  I could've been so much better.  But I hope you know how much I loved you.  I love you so much!  I made mistakes and I am so sorry for them but my love for you was deep and sincere.  I know there came a point where I became distant and I wish I could have explained it to you but it wouldn't have been right to.  Maybe you know now because Jesus has told you.  I hope He also told you that it wasn't just you I distanced myself from and also how powerful redemption is.  I'm sure He did.

We had some good times and I am so thankful for them.  Remember that one time when we were just kids and Grandma was still alive?  We were having a sleepover at their house and were making up crazy stories in the dark, just laughing so hard!  I'm not even sure what was so funny but I hope I will always remember that night and the sound of your laughter.  Another one of my favourite memories is one time you came to visit-it couldn't have been too long ago because I lived in the Villa-and we made apple jelly together.  I'm not sure why but I expected you to know all the tricks of the trade because I sure didn't!  That turned into an adventure!  Didn't I spill apple juice all over the table?  I'm pretty sure I did and you just got a cloth right away and cleaned up my mess.

I will always hold dear our last memory.  I am so glad I got to see you last weekend!  I am so thankful that God gave us one last sleepover.  I am so glad we went for breakfast and went mini golfing (don't worry, you didn't lose by too much!) and walked around the mall and that I got to go to your bowling, I will treasure those moments in my heart.  I wish I had taken a picture with you that weekend-I thought about it numerous times and I have no clue why I didn't.

You had a heart of gold Cheri, you taught me so much about unconditional love.  You taught me to try and always think of others when I'm out doing something for myself, I'm pretty sure that every shopping trip you went on produced a gift for someone in your life and you were always so willing (and raring!) to help others with anything and everything.

You taught me a lot about joy.  That smile of yours seemed like it was always present.  I know you had sad moments in life but you were always able to bounce back from them and continue smiling- which is the real definition of joy I think.

You taught me what it looks like to be accepting and to include everyone.  You were able to meet some of my friends over the years and you always just instantly accepted them as your friends too-asking how they were doing and making sure you could visit them when you were up in the area.  You always wanted to make sure everyone was included in everything and I hope I have learned well from you in that.

You taught me about faith.  I know you loved the Lord and you trusted in Him fully.  There were many times when we were growing up that you couldn't contain your love for God.  Thank you for being a good example to me in that.

Like I said, I miss you.  I will always miss you as long as I am on this earth.  Family gatherings will never be the same, we will notice your absence.  I'm so sad that you had to go now, it seems too soon.  But I know you are up in Heaven laughing, having a good time and just so happy.  I will look forward to Heaven that much more because, like I told Jamie the other day, when it's my turn to enter into glory you'll probably be pushing Jesus out of the way saying, "Hey hey!!  Me first!  I have to give my cousin a hug!"

I love you.

Love,
Joni

                                                                       Cheri Wiebe
                                                         March 7, 1983 - April 30, 2015

Instant Noodles and Life Lessons

The other night I went to bed hungry.  This didn't happen because I don't have food in my house, I have a full fridge at the moment and a decently stocked pantry.  I also didn't do this on purpose to gain an experience or learn a lesson or anything like that.  The reason I went to bed hungry is because I was reading a book I just got from the library and I was so into it that I didn't take the time to eat.  When I thought about eating it was already so late that I figured I might as well just go to bed and it wouldn't really make a difference.

Apparently my stomach disagreed.

I could not sleep!  My stomach made me well aware of the fact that I had not eaten that night.  Growling, rumbling, and that "hollow" feeling you sometimes get from hunger.  I told myself to ignore it, I have plenty of stored up fats for my body to glean from for one night!  However, I just could not get to sleep because of the hunger.

2:30am found me in the kitchen, slurping up discount brand Raman noodles, wishing I had whole milk instead of 1% and thinking.  Thinking about the people who go to sleep consistently with a growling belly, nothing inside giving them needed nutrients and strength and no instant pasta to make when they can't take it any longer.  What causes them to finally be able to sleep with the constant hollow feeling gnawing away in the pit of their stomach?  How do they ignore the cries for food happening within their own body?  What gives them hope?

I knew I was fine, yeah I was hungry and uncomfortable and also slightly annoyed that I was still awake at 3am on a work night but I had the security and hope of my full fridge and my pantry supply.  How do you go to sleep at night hungry and knowing tomorrow you might go to sleep in the same state?

Now the question is, so what?  What do I do with all these thoughts that came to me as I sat at the kitchen table.  I am well aware that people everyday die from starvation.  I am well aware that people in my own community sometimes have to make the choice between rent or groceries.  So what do I do with all this?  Do I continue on the way I've been living.  I haven't ignored the issue.  Or is there something more I can be doing?

Single Girl Cooking: Chicken Bread

I am a single (as in unmarried) girl who lives alone (don't feel sad, I enjoy living alone) and I love to cook!  I don't always love to cook for just one person though, it's a learning process.  Thus beings a new segment in my blog:  Single Girl Cooking.  You can expect poor quality pictures, 50% off ingredients, lots of cheese, vague directions, and hopefully delicious recipes!

Chicken Bread
Ingredients:
Garlic Bread
Chicken (either cut up chicken breasts, cooked and shredded chicken...whatever)
Veggies of your choice
Cheese
This is really a "do whatever you want" type of recipe.  I use meat from either a whole chicken or turkey that I've cooked, taken apart and frozen for multiple use.  My veggies of choice for this are usually red peppers and mushrooms.  You can use whatever you love most!

 

 Take your veggies and fry them bad boys up until tender

 



 I like to add in my chicken for a few minutes, even though it's almost always pre cooked before hand, I just like to crisp it up (if you are starting with raw chicken cook it in it's own pan until done)

 

 Now take your garlic bread and put it on a baking sheet, I suggest spreading the garlic butter aaaaall over, leave no corner unbuttered!

 

 Pile up your chicken and veggies onto the bread

 

 Add some delicious cheese, don't be stingy!  Cheese is magical.

 

Put it in a 350 degree oven for as long as it takes to brown the cheese and crisp the bread (Maybe 20 minutes?)

 



Delicious!  Kind of open faced sandwich meets pizza type hybrid.  And makes more than one meal as well, which is important to me because cooking everyday is overrated yo!

The Promise of Spring

The other day I went and I laid outside on a trampoline.  The sky was blue, I could hear birds singing, the air was fresh and the sun was shining.

But let's face reality for a minute.  I was wearing sweat pants, mukluks, a hoodie, a winter jacket and a toque.  There was still snow on the ground and the trees hold no leaves yet.  It was cold!

But I stayed out there and I looked up at the blue sky and I knew that the promise of spring was in the air!  I could smell it in the breeze and I could feel it in the sunshine on my face.  The snow is melting slowly and underneath it new life is waiting to break through the soil.

It's been a long cold winter.  Both literally and metaphorically.  But spring is coming and I am so thankful!

An Open Letter to my Friends who are Married and/or Have Children

Dear Friends,

                Let me just bring some attention to the white elephant that apparently is in the room.  I am single.  I also do not have any kids.  There, I said it out loud!  It’s out there, there is no avoiding it.  So let’s talk about this a little.

                 I’m still your friend.

                Yes, I may not have the same schedule as you do.  I don’t have to factor in a spouse and children every time I make plans, but I am ok with the fact that you do!  I understand that it takes more time to get out the door when you have to make sure everyone has gone potty.  I get that if I’m making plans with you I am also probably making plans with your husband.  I.  Don’t.  Mind.

                What I don’t understand is why I am constantly hearing about all these funs things you’ve done that I haven’t been invited to.  That’s right, I hear about when you all make plans and get together.  And you need to know that it hurts my feelings.  I’m still your friend.  Just because I don’t have a husband or children doesn’t mean I don’t want to be included in the fun with the people who do.  In fact, it means that I really would like to be included!  Sometimes I even need to be included, that’s just the honest truth.  Not all the time, but sometimes.

                I don’t always know when it’s a good time to stop over,  give you a call or invite you for coffee because I understand that you have children with a specific schedule or that it’s hard to find quality time with your spouse.  If it’s not a good time please just be honest with me about that, but also please tell me when a good time is!  I really am willing to work with the circumstances of your life.

               Once again, please, please, please!  When you get together with other families (who are also my friends) invite me as well!  Nothing hurts worse than reading a facebook status about an awesome day you’ve had with all the people I love.

I’m still your friend, singleness and childlessness doesn’t need to change that.

Love,
Joni

 

What I've Been Reading...

I love to read; I have always loved to read!  My mum taught me from a very young age to read and I just never got out of the habit.  I do tend to have too many books on the go at once though.  Here's what has been on my night stand these days...

The Duck Commander Family

Willie and Korie Robertson with Mark Schlabach

 I got drawn into the Duck Dynasty craze for the same reason as most people: those are some crazy rednecks!  I love me some crazy rednecks!  (Probably because my family fits that description) what isn’t to love really?  Crazy antics, southern charm, bullets and muskets.  However, I’ve stuck with the Robertson crew because I’ve grown to appreciate what they stand for and how much influence they have.  I know people have strong opinions about the Robertsons and their faith, just the other day I got reamed out on facebook for saying Duck Dynasty was a good thing, but really what is there in this world that people don’t have a strong opinion on?  However, I just think that they are some real, down to earth people who understand the point of grace.  I read both Phil and Si’s book recently as well and I thoroughly enjoyed hearing their testimonies.  This book has been an interesting one, reading some of the stories Willie has about growing up make me cringe a bit!  But they also make me laugh.  The thing I really love about this book is that every chapter ends with a Robertson recipe!  Including one for Garlic Frog Legs!

 

Discovering Soul Care

Mindy Caliguire

 One of my mentors gave this book a few months ago when I first realized I was walking through ministry burnout.  I have been sloooowly going through it, slowly because it is quite intense and I really need to think about what I’ve read.  Think and journal and apply.  Somewhere along the line I forgot to take care of myself and it turns out learning how to is not an easy thing!  This book has been so helpful though, it asks the hard questions and encourages you to work through it in tangible ways.  One of the quotes I really love so far in this book is, “Ultimately the clearest way to express what God’s character is like is in just one word: love…The kind of God-formed love is not a weak, spineless love, easily swayed to lose it’s identity and unable to say “no” to anything or anyone.  Instead, those who develop this kind of love become purpose-filled and spiritually powerful people who shake the earth and instill in the hearts of others a sense of their own value.”

 

The Dead Don’t Dance
Charles Martin

 This is one of those books I have read multiple times over and never grow tired of it.  Yes, the only reason I bought this gem was because of the value price sticker on it!  This small priced book turned out to be a big game changer in my life!  It’s a fictional story about loss and faith, love and healing, pain and God’s goodness.  There is a point in the story where the main character is lying in a frozen ditch, covered in ice and someone else’s blood and he has had enough!  He starts to yell at God, asking him where He is during all this.  That part of the book shook me to the core the first time I ever read it and it still brings me to tears.  This book hit me at a time in my life when I needed it most and I am forever thankful.  Charles Martin has become one of my favourite authors, I don’t think I’ve ever read a book penned by him that I didn’t like.  They are gut wrenching, they are real, they are about such deep faith, they are totally relatable.

 

To Fly Again

Gracia Burnham with Dean Merrill

 I had the privilege of meeting Gracia this January and talking with her for a few minutes.  She is small in stature and soft spoken but there is an inner peace within her that is so strong you can almost feel it in the air.  In 2001 Gracia and her husband, Martin, were kidnapped by members of a terrorist group in the Philippines.  They were held captive and forced to trudge through the jungle for over a year, with meager supplies and never knowing which day would be their last.  Martin did not make it out of the jungle alive but Gracia has told their story to thousands.  However, it is not a story of anger,  terror and loss.  It is a story of forgiveness, grace and hope.  This is the second book Gracia has written, the first being the actual story of the Burnham’s captivity and experience.  To Fly Again is about Gracia’s journey through loss and into hope.  It’s about rising above the disasters of life and learning to trust God’s goodness.  I am only one chapter into this book and I am excited to continue.

 

Missions Conference Overview

I spent this last weekend at a Missions Conference, one I go to every year and it is always a wonderful time!  This year was no exception!  I feel like it's so hard to explain everything I took in and learned over the 4 days...

I got to listen to my music loud as I drove for 6 hours, catch up with friends, talk with a lot of students, share with a boys hall (which was interesting but not in a bad way!) about ministry, listen to some encouraging testimonies, make bush tea for 50+ people, watch 3 men in sombreros search for treasure, steal dessert with Tim, sleep in the girls dorm, enjoy beautiful music, eat baklava, watch 2 students announce their engagement to friends, laugh and also cry with people I love, and then listen to my music loud again as I drove home.

However I didn't make it all the way home in one night!  At about 8pm I found myself in a complete whiteout and the most scared I have ever been while driving!  Everything was white and I had no concept of where I was on the road, I knew I shouldn't pull over unless I could pull right off the road but I couldn't see the turn offs!  I finally made it to a small town where I was thankful for a hotel room to spend the night!

I am thankful for a weekend which filled my heart with warmth, for people who love me, for making it through the whiteout and for a credit card so I could wait out the storm in a warm bed!

That Windy Day...

A poorly written and incredibly ridiculous short story written by Joni, based on Karissa's response to my facebook status earlier today...

 

It was an oddly warm day for mid January.  The wind had been howling all day long, lifting tarp sheds, scaring neighbourhood dogs and making driving the icy roads a difficult feat.  It wasn’t usually this windy in northern Saskatchewan, what with all the trees.  As the wind blew on a sudden thought crossed my mind, “This isn’t the only storm you will endure today.”  Odd.  Odd indeed.  It was about 4 in the afternoon when that thought became something that made sense.

She walked up behind me while I was moving some tree branches that had blown in front of the old folks home.  I didn’t hear her coming but I felt her presence.  It felt like red, hot, fire.  I turned halfway around to look at her but the wind carried my hair in front of my eyes.  By the time I had reached up to clear my view she had begun her assault.

Her words surged out like burning lava, pouring over me in waves.  The accusations, the anger, the hurtful words.  All the while the wind raged on, lifting our hair in uncontrollable twists and curls.  The louder her accusations became the stronger the wind began to blow!  Until I could take it no more.

I retaliated.

Over the wailing winds I matched her scream for scream, until suddenly she said something that made me stop.  "You really hurt me, I thought we were friends."  Everything seemed to grow quiet, the wind even stilled as we stood facing each other, short of breath and faces red.  Had I really failed to notice how deeply I had wounded my best friend?  What were we doing out here in the storm fighting.  As the wind began to rise once again I looked her in the eyes and cried out from the depths of my heart, "I'm sorry!  Forgive me!"

The tears happened simultaneously as we embraced each other, turning into sobs of regret and then sniffles of forgiveness.  As we drew apart, I caught a look in her eyes.  "What?..." I asked tentatively.  "It's just...before...when I was so upset..." She stuttered.  It was then I noticed the wind again as she continued.  "I wanted to hurt you just as bad as you hurt me  so I...well I wrote it on this piece of paper to give you."  In her outstretched arm was a crumpled piece of notebook paper.  I couldn't stop myself, I knew I would have to read that note.  I slowly took the trembling paper from her hand and unfolded it.

When I looked up she was already gone.  As the wind continued on in it's persistent drive I sank to my knees.  I knew I would forgive her; there was no way I could hold it against her considering what I had done but in this moment it dug a hole deep in my heart.  As I, once again, brought my hands up to control my windblown hair that warm, January wind took the paper from my hand and carried it away from me.  Taking with it the two hurts that had been done...

"I went to McDonalds without you.  Think about that next time you go for frozen yogurt without inviting me."

What 2013 taught me...

1.  The heart is an incredibly though and beautiful thing.  It may get broken and it may ache more than you thought possible but in time it will begin to heal.  The heart will refuse to give up and even when you want to build a wall around it your heart will choose to open up to others and to let them in.

2.  In the tough times you will see the true colours of those in your life.  You might discover that people who you know love you won't know how to journey through pain with you and will have a hard time reaching out of themselves.  But you will also discover that more people care and are ready with a helping hand than you ever imagined!

3.  God is faithful.  His love will never fail.

4.  When the opportunity arises always go out and dance in the rain!  Don't worry about wet clothing or running make-up or  what others think about you.  Clothes will dry, make-up was meant to be washed off anyway and in the long run if people think you are crazy for dancing in the rain, let them think it, it doesn't matter.

5.  Sadness and faith can coexist.  Just because you are fighting a deep sadness doesn't mean your faith in God has faltered.  Reach out to Him in your sadness and know that He sees you and He cares.

6.  Don't underestimate what God will make you capable of.  You may have to walk through some of the hardest things you have ever imagined.  You will feel unworthy, ill prepared, inadequate and terribly, terribly small but with God all things are possible.  Trust Him.

7.  You are allowed to struggle.  You are allowed to need a break.  You are allowed to take care of yourself.

The stillness...

The Christmas season is officially over now.  All the kids are back in school, my friends and family have all returned home and I'm left sitting in the silence and mess that is my apartment.  There is always some sort of let down after being with people constantly, even though I cherish my alone time I am sad to be left here.  Though I should relish this time while I have it!  Youth will start up again later this week, winter retreats will be starting up in the next month and in 2 weekends I will be off to missions conference!  It won't take long for life to get busy again.
There is a lot to reflect on now that the bustle of Christmas and New Years is over.  2013 was a different year and I learned a lot while journeying through it.  I've never been much for new years resolutions but I have set some goals for myself in 2014.
Yes, there is much to reflect on and also much to look forward to!