What I've Been Reading...

I love to read; I have always loved to read!  My mum taught me from a very young age to read and I just never got out of the habit.  I do tend to have too many books on the go at once though.  Here's what has been on my night stand these days...

The Duck Commander Family

Willie and Korie Robertson with Mark Schlabach

 I got drawn into the Duck Dynasty craze for the same reason as most people: those are some crazy rednecks!  I love me some crazy rednecks!  (Probably because my family fits that description) what isn’t to love really?  Crazy antics, southern charm, bullets and muskets.  However, I’ve stuck with the Robertson crew because I’ve grown to appreciate what they stand for and how much influence they have.  I know people have strong opinions about the Robertsons and their faith, just the other day I got reamed out on facebook for saying Duck Dynasty was a good thing, but really what is there in this world that people don’t have a strong opinion on?  However, I just think that they are some real, down to earth people who understand the point of grace.  I read both Phil and Si’s book recently as well and I thoroughly enjoyed hearing their testimonies.  This book has been an interesting one, reading some of the stories Willie has about growing up make me cringe a bit!  But they also make me laugh.  The thing I really love about this book is that every chapter ends with a Robertson recipe!  Including one for Garlic Frog Legs!

 

Discovering Soul Care

Mindy Caliguire

 One of my mentors gave this book a few months ago when I first realized I was walking through ministry burnout.  I have been sloooowly going through it, slowly because it is quite intense and I really need to think about what I’ve read.  Think and journal and apply.  Somewhere along the line I forgot to take care of myself and it turns out learning how to is not an easy thing!  This book has been so helpful though, it asks the hard questions and encourages you to work through it in tangible ways.  One of the quotes I really love so far in this book is, “Ultimately the clearest way to express what God’s character is like is in just one word: love…The kind of God-formed love is not a weak, spineless love, easily swayed to lose it’s identity and unable to say “no” to anything or anyone.  Instead, those who develop this kind of love become purpose-filled and spiritually powerful people who shake the earth and instill in the hearts of others a sense of their own value.”

 

The Dead Don’t Dance
Charles Martin

 This is one of those books I have read multiple times over and never grow tired of it.  Yes, the only reason I bought this gem was because of the value price sticker on it!  This small priced book turned out to be a big game changer in my life!  It’s a fictional story about loss and faith, love and healing, pain and God’s goodness.  There is a point in the story where the main character is lying in a frozen ditch, covered in ice and someone else’s blood and he has had enough!  He starts to yell at God, asking him where He is during all this.  That part of the book shook me to the core the first time I ever read it and it still brings me to tears.  This book hit me at a time in my life when I needed it most and I am forever thankful.  Charles Martin has become one of my favourite authors, I don’t think I’ve ever read a book penned by him that I didn’t like.  They are gut wrenching, they are real, they are about such deep faith, they are totally relatable.

 

To Fly Again

Gracia Burnham with Dean Merrill

 I had the privilege of meeting Gracia this January and talking with her for a few minutes.  She is small in stature and soft spoken but there is an inner peace within her that is so strong you can almost feel it in the air.  In 2001 Gracia and her husband, Martin, were kidnapped by members of a terrorist group in the Philippines.  They were held captive and forced to trudge through the jungle for over a year, with meager supplies and never knowing which day would be their last.  Martin did not make it out of the jungle alive but Gracia has told their story to thousands.  However, it is not a story of anger,  terror and loss.  It is a story of forgiveness, grace and hope.  This is the second book Gracia has written, the first being the actual story of the Burnham’s captivity and experience.  To Fly Again is about Gracia’s journey through loss and into hope.  It’s about rising above the disasters of life and learning to trust God’s goodness.  I am only one chapter into this book and I am excited to continue.

 

Missions Conference Overview

I spent this last weekend at a Missions Conference, one I go to every year and it is always a wonderful time!  This year was no exception!  I feel like it's so hard to explain everything I took in and learned over the 4 days...

I got to listen to my music loud as I drove for 6 hours, catch up with friends, talk with a lot of students, share with a boys hall (which was interesting but not in a bad way!) about ministry, listen to some encouraging testimonies, make bush tea for 50+ people, watch 3 men in sombreros search for treasure, steal dessert with Tim, sleep in the girls dorm, enjoy beautiful music, eat baklava, watch 2 students announce their engagement to friends, laugh and also cry with people I love, and then listen to my music loud again as I drove home.

However I didn't make it all the way home in one night!  At about 8pm I found myself in a complete whiteout and the most scared I have ever been while driving!  Everything was white and I had no concept of where I was on the road, I knew I shouldn't pull over unless I could pull right off the road but I couldn't see the turn offs!  I finally made it to a small town where I was thankful for a hotel room to spend the night!

I am thankful for a weekend which filled my heart with warmth, for people who love me, for making it through the whiteout and for a credit card so I could wait out the storm in a warm bed!

That Windy Day...

A poorly written and incredibly ridiculous short story written by Joni, based on Karissa's response to my facebook status earlier today...

 

It was an oddly warm day for mid January.  The wind had been howling all day long, lifting tarp sheds, scaring neighbourhood dogs and making driving the icy roads a difficult feat.  It wasn’t usually this windy in northern Saskatchewan, what with all the trees.  As the wind blew on a sudden thought crossed my mind, “This isn’t the only storm you will endure today.”  Odd.  Odd indeed.  It was about 4 in the afternoon when that thought became something that made sense.

She walked up behind me while I was moving some tree branches that had blown in front of the old folks home.  I didn’t hear her coming but I felt her presence.  It felt like red, hot, fire.  I turned halfway around to look at her but the wind carried my hair in front of my eyes.  By the time I had reached up to clear my view she had begun her assault.

Her words surged out like burning lava, pouring over me in waves.  The accusations, the anger, the hurtful words.  All the while the wind raged on, lifting our hair in uncontrollable twists and curls.  The louder her accusations became the stronger the wind began to blow!  Until I could take it no more.

I retaliated.

Over the wailing winds I matched her scream for scream, until suddenly she said something that made me stop.  "You really hurt me, I thought we were friends."  Everything seemed to grow quiet, the wind even stilled as we stood facing each other, short of breath and faces red.  Had I really failed to notice how deeply I had wounded my best friend?  What were we doing out here in the storm fighting.  As the wind began to rise once again I looked her in the eyes and cried out from the depths of my heart, "I'm sorry!  Forgive me!"

The tears happened simultaneously as we embraced each other, turning into sobs of regret and then sniffles of forgiveness.  As we drew apart, I caught a look in her eyes.  "What?..." I asked tentatively.  "It's just...before...when I was so upset..." She stuttered.  It was then I noticed the wind again as she continued.  "I wanted to hurt you just as bad as you hurt me  so I...well I wrote it on this piece of paper to give you."  In her outstretched arm was a crumpled piece of notebook paper.  I couldn't stop myself, I knew I would have to read that note.  I slowly took the trembling paper from her hand and unfolded it.

When I looked up she was already gone.  As the wind continued on in it's persistent drive I sank to my knees.  I knew I would forgive her; there was no way I could hold it against her considering what I had done but in this moment it dug a hole deep in my heart.  As I, once again, brought my hands up to control my windblown hair that warm, January wind took the paper from my hand and carried it away from me.  Taking with it the two hurts that had been done...

"I went to McDonalds without you.  Think about that next time you go for frozen yogurt without inviting me."

What 2013 taught me...

1.  The heart is an incredibly though and beautiful thing.  It may get broken and it may ache more than you thought possible but in time it will begin to heal.  The heart will refuse to give up and even when you want to build a wall around it your heart will choose to open up to others and to let them in.

2.  In the tough times you will see the true colours of those in your life.  You might discover that people who you know love you won't know how to journey through pain with you and will have a hard time reaching out of themselves.  But you will also discover that more people care and are ready with a helping hand than you ever imagined!

3.  God is faithful.  His love will never fail.

4.  When the opportunity arises always go out and dance in the rain!  Don't worry about wet clothing or running make-up or  what others think about you.  Clothes will dry, make-up was meant to be washed off anyway and in the long run if people think you are crazy for dancing in the rain, let them think it, it doesn't matter.

5.  Sadness and faith can coexist.  Just because you are fighting a deep sadness doesn't mean your faith in God has faltered.  Reach out to Him in your sadness and know that He sees you and He cares.

6.  Don't underestimate what God will make you capable of.  You may have to walk through some of the hardest things you have ever imagined.  You will feel unworthy, ill prepared, inadequate and terribly, terribly small but with God all things are possible.  Trust Him.

7.  You are allowed to struggle.  You are allowed to need a break.  You are allowed to take care of yourself.

The stillness...

The Christmas season is officially over now.  All the kids are back in school, my friends and family have all returned home and I'm left sitting in the silence and mess that is my apartment.  There is always some sort of let down after being with people constantly, even though I cherish my alone time I am sad to be left here.  Though I should relish this time while I have it!  Youth will start up again later this week, winter retreats will be starting up in the next month and in 2 weekends I will be off to missions conference!  It won't take long for life to get busy again.
There is a lot to reflect on now that the bustle of Christmas and New Years is over.  2013 was a different year and I learned a lot while journeying through it.  I've never been much for new years resolutions but I have set some goals for myself in 2014.
Yes, there is much to reflect on and also much to look forward to!